i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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