R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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