Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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