I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
