I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
