i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
