Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I want a musical about memes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
