you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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