$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
