you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
