Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As shirtless as possible
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
