I skipped work to stalk him.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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