it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
