I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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