so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
