Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
