you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
