just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
