i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
