best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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