this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
