I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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