You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
