My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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