Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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