Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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