It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
