i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
