she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
