i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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