So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
