Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
