also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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