I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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