i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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