oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
