As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
