Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
