so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
