like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
