hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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