I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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