I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
