I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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