Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
