Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
