She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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