he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just pee around me
My bed smells like the plague
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
