life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
