Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
