I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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