i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
