I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
