Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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