I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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