He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
