Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize
