Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize