My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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