I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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