he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
