Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
