I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
