I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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