Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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