So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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