I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
