Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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