he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
