I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
