I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
