i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
