A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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