It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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