I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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