It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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