just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
