Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There r osticjed everywhere
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I pour the whiskey from now on
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
