My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
