No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
