Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
