Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
