Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
