do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
