birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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