There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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