I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
