Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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