I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
