You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
