i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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