As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
