I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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