I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
