Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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