haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
